“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. 

Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

- Howard Thurman

This article is the penultimate installment in the Hero Path Series, a journey toward discovering and embodying your most authentic self.

If you haven’t already, you may want to start with my previous posts:

• The Hero’s Path to Authenticity, Meaning, and Living the Life You Were Born For

• Why You Feel Like You Don’t Belong & How to Reclaim Your Authenticity

• The Hidden Parts of You That Control Your Life (And How to Take Your Power Back)

• Why Your Relationships Keep Failing (And How to Break the Cycle)

• The Father You Needed, The Man You Must Become: Healing the Father Wound and Embracing Mature Masculinity

Each of these steps has peeled back another layer of who you thought you were to reveal who you truly are.

The Call to Adventure pulled you into the unknown, forcing you to question the life you had built and whether you really know yourself at all. The Persona and the Shadow revealed the masks you wear and the hidden parts of yourself that control you from the dark. The Anima and the Father Wound showed you how your relationships—with others and with yourself—were shaped by unconscious projections from deep in within you.

Now, we arrive at the critical turning point of the Hero Path—one that determines whether everything you’ve learned will lead to true transformation OR if you will fall back into your old life, as if the journey never happened. But transformation is not the end of the journey. What comes next is the true test—how you carry your transformation into the world.

This is the Return, the moment when the war is over—and yet, somehow, the battle continues.

This is where many men fail. 

They do not fail because they didn’t fight their demons.
They do not fail because they didn’t suffer or struggle.
They fail because they refuse to step into the world as their transformed self.

The Grave Between Who You Were and Who You Must Become

I remember sitting with my coach, 3 years after my great awakening. I regaled him with the narrative I’d constructed of my life story as a “Hero’s Journey” and sought to impress him with my hard-won perspective that each of the struggles I had experienced were only there to provide the raw ingredients for the life of my dreams. 

Only one problem: I wasn’t living the life of my dreams.

If I was honest, my life was falling apart.

I wore a mask of confidence on the outside while inside, I was full of doubt and denial.

I was in a highly contentious relationship with my boss in a job that drained my energy. My relationships were stagnating. I was isolating myself from friends. I was really struggling with my mental health and I was toying with some of my old methods of dissociating from my life again. I was holding onto the fact that I really had “done the work” and I really had “transformed” but it was more of a memory than a living, breathing truth as it once had been.

My coach then did what coaches are so good at doing. 

He identified something I was blind to. 

“It sounds like you’ve lived two lives already and you’re about to begin your third.” he said nonchalantly as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

But for me, it was far from it. 

It felt like a revelation and it blew the top off of everything I had been believing about myself, completely changed my perspective, and opened the door to making the life of my dreams a reality.

I sat there, staring at the life I had built for the man I used to be. The job, the friends, the relationship—it all fit the old me perfectly. The one who lived for validation. The one who played the role expected of him.

But now? Now, it felt like I was walking around in someone else’s skin. The world still saw the man I used to be, but inside, everything had changed.

And that’s when I realized—the hardest part of transformation isn’t facing your past. 

It’s leaving it behind.

The Return: The Final Trial and The True Path to Mastery

In mythology, the Hero’s Journey does not end with the great victory. It ends with the Return—the journey back home, where the hero must bring what he has learned in the underworld back into the world of the living.

In the Arc of Discovery, the Hero realizes that there is a world beyond the one they have known and they accept the call to venture into that place, crossing the threshold into the unknown on their great quest. 

In the Arc of Becoming, the Hero faces trials and tests. These act as the fire of the forge that purifies the gold. They are the alchemical force that quite literally transforms the individual into the person they have discovered in the previous stage. 

In the Arc of Mastery, the Hero must take their first fledgling steps as the new creation that they have become. In this stage, they must practice their new skills, first crawling, then walking, often falling, only to hone and perfect their technique. The goal of this stage in the journey is to bring the gifts of their transformation to the world. It is the culmination of the journey and the entire purpose of the journey itself. 

And yet, many heroes resist the return.
It is one of the oldest and most beguiling aspects of the Hero Path but it is known far and wide.

In some Buddhist traditions, there is a distinction made between the different types of individuals who have achieved enlightenment. 

An ahrat is one who has been liberated by the revelation. He or she has transformed and enjoys the freedom of new life, but they have experienced enlightenment only for their own benefit. They have not completed the journey to mastery. 

The bodhisattva, by contrast, knows that their enlightenment is a gift for all of mankind and turns their experience into a boon for the whole of humanity. 

There is always a time in between these two stages but the hard truth is that for many men, this limbo becomes permanent. After confronting their demons, integrating their wounds, and reclaiming their lost self, they find themselves stuck in the in-between.

They know they cannot go back. But they are afraid to fully move forward.

Because the truth is—becoming your true self requires something even harder than facing your past.

It requires fully releasing the life that was built for the man you no longer are.

The Unexpected Struggle of the Return

When my coach told me that I was about to begin the third act of what I thought was my two-act story, it was such an epiphany because I had never stopped to think that maybe my life wasn’t meant to be divided into just the time before the transformation and the time after it. 

I had been living the past year in a sort of stasis. The previous year had been characterized by such rapid growth, expansion, and change that by contrast, this stagnation felt like failure. 

The moment he said those words, though, my mind immediately opened up and fell back to the religion of my youth: the story of Jesus’ death and resurrection—and his time in the tomb.

The stories we are raised on will always be our mother tongue. They were the metaphors that introduced us to the world itself and, as such, will always be the fastest path to new learning. I had previously rejected Christianity because of the trauma I experienced during my time in it but, after my atonement with the father, I was once again capable of embracing the gifts it holds. 

Whether you were raised in the Christian tradition or not, you are probably aware of the Easter story. You know of Good Friday and may even get that day off work. You know that Good Friday was the day of Jesus’ crucifixion and that Easter Sunday signifies the day of his resurrection. 

But what about Saturday? What about the time in the tomb?

The Apostolic creed in Catholicism states that during that time, Jesus descended into the underworld to take back the keys of death only to return with them for the salvation of all mankind.

As it turns out, this part of the story is highly instructive for us as we aspire toward mastery in the authentic life we have fought so hard to capture for ourselves because it shows us the ways we often get stuck in hell even after finding the light.

What The Tomb Represents in Our Transformation Story

Most men think change is the hard part—the death of who we were, the descent into the underworld, the confrontation with the dragon—but the hardest part is living as the man you have become in a world that still expects you to be who you were.

Your first life was constructed for the person you thought you were.
Everything in it served your wounds, your masks, your coping mechanisms, and your need to hide your genuine self.

• Your career may have been built to satisfy external validation.

• Your relationships may have been chosen based on an old identity.

• Your lifestyle may have been structured to distract you from yourself.

As a transformed man, these things no longer fit.

• The people in your life may not recognize you.

• The roles you once played no longer make sense.

• The life you once lived feels like it belongs to a stranger.

So, the temptation arises to pretend it never happened, to slip back into the old world, to benefit from the revelations and gifts of your journey without really changing your life.

This is the Refusal of the Return—and it is the greatest test of all, for what has been seen can never be unseen.

Why Men Resist the Return

No one talks about the grief of transformation.

You think you’ll feel free after shedding the masks, the old roles, the relationships that no longer fit. 

Instead, you feel loss. You feel like you’re mourning the death of someone—except that “someone” is the old version of you.

And you are. You are grieving a version of yourself that, for all its flaws, kept you safe, that helped you survive. The one that got you here.

And now, you must let him go.

The Return forces us to confront the loss that comes with transformation.

And loss is painful.

• Loss of identity. You are no longer who you were, but who are you now?

• Loss of relationships. Some people will not come with you.

• Loss of comfort. The old coping mechanisms no longer work.

• Loss of certainty. The path forward is unclear.

For me, it was my career. My livelihood. I had only started working in digital marketing to provide for my wife and infant son who had been born during my time in college. I abandoned my true desire to pursue a PhD to perform my duty. 8 years of my life had been dedicated to developing skills in an industry that was lucrative but not fulfilling—8 years wasted.

Living as my transformed self, unwilling to pretend anymore, my performance at work naturally suffered. I remember having a conversation with my manager in which I told him that it felt like he was constantly frustrated with me. I asked him if that was true and he said that it was. He told me that it was because he wanted to find the right place for me but nothing was working. He told me that I was so intelligent and so talented and he just knew that there had to be a place where I could truly express my unique abilities… but he kept failing to find it. 

He felt frustrated and I felt ashamed. 

I was ashamed because I knew the reason he couldn’t find the right place for me—because the place where I was supposed to be was not in that organization at all. My place was coaching men to find their purposes, embrace their missions, and live lives that set their souls on fire. 

Instead, I was assigning tasks to edit yet another SEO blog post.
(Did I just break the fourth wall?)

I was living in the grave, refusing to return from the underworld, because doing so would cost me my security. 

This is why so many men stay stuck in transition. They want the transformation without the sacrifice. They want to keep one foot in the past while stepping into the future. But true transformation will cost you your life.

You cannot become who you are meant to be while holding onto the life that was built for the you who never could.

The Crossroads: The Final Choice

This is the ultimate test of transformation, the choice that separates those who truly embody change from those who remain trapped in transition.

1. Fall Back into the Old Life.
   
   Pretend nothing happened.
   Play the same roles.
   Keep the peace by suppressing your transformation.
   Betray yourself for the sake of comfort—didn’t we decide that was a bad idea?

Or

2. Step Fully into the New Life.
   
   Accept that some things will be left behind.
   Grieve for what is lost but do not hold onto it.
   Allow relationships to evolve—or end.
   Build a life that serves your true self.
   Embody the man you have become.

This is where many men break. Not because they aren’t strong. Not because they don’t want change. But because becoming the man you were meant to be means taking full responsibility for your life.

There is no mentor left to guide you.
There is no enemy left to fight.
There is no one left to blame.

It is just you.

And the question remains: Will you take the final step?

Living as the Master of Two Worlds

In the end, the true Hero is not the one who simply faced his demons. He is the one who integrates his transformation into daily life. He becomes the elder he never had.

He does not reject the past—he reclaims it, integrates it, and builds from it.

This is the Mastery Arc.

This is where you live as the man you have become, rather than just someone who once went through a transformation.

This is where you carry the gift back to the world.

How to Fully Return: The Final Integration

If you have walked the Hero Path, then you have already changed.

The only thing left is to embody that change.

Here’s how:

1. Honor the past, but do not live in it.
   Recognize what the old self gave you—but do not let it define you.
   

2. Let go of what no longer serves you.
   This may mean careers, relationships, or habits. Do not cling to things that were built for a different man.
   

3. Build a life aligned with your true self.
   Not for validation. Not for escape. But for wholeness.
   

4. Lead others on their own Hero’s Path.
   You are the mentor now. The elder. The father figure you once sought. Be him.
   

5. Live as the man you were meant to be.
   No more pretending. No more apologizing. No more looking back.

The Next Step: Will You Master Your Destiny?

The Next Step: Will You Complete the Hero Path?

Most men never truly return. They linger in the grave, trapped between identities, never fully stepping into the new self, but the Hero Path is not just about personal transformation—it is about what comes next. It is about taking responsibility for what you have gained, carrying your wisdom into the world, and becoming the leader you once sought.

You have walked the path. Now, will you rise to your purpose?

Download the Emotional Mastery Toolkit to begin your adventure today!

Book a call with me to start living as the man you were meant to be.

Next, we’ll explore the final challenge—the moment where transformation turns into mastery. Will you step fully into your power as a leader, a mentor, and a guide?